My Emotional Tubes

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Truth.

This last weekend I went up to Pleasant Grove to have a HSG done… or in normal people words, have my Fallopian Tubes cleaned out with dye.

During this 3 month period of getting “baby healthy,” our doctor is wanting to eliminate different reasons as to why we haven’t been able to get pregnant on our own, so in addition to getting my body to cycle regularly, they also wanted to make sure my Fallopian tubes are clear and don’t have any blockage.

I had heard of this procedure before, my sister and two of my best friends had gone through this and they mentioned that it was similar to having uncomfortable cramps (which I’ve hardly had my whole life because I’ve always struggled in the regular cycles department anyway) but also that it was a pretty quick process.

***Side Story: The year I got diagnosed with PCOS, my PA was wanting to make sure I didn’t have Endometriosis or any Cancerous cysts as well, so they completed a vaginal biopsy (TMI? Sorry.), and it was the worst pain I had ever experienced.

From the start, it didn’t look like it was going to be so bad, my PA just mentioned that were going to do a quick swipe down there, but if I didn’t hold still in the right position they would have to do it again.

Well, not ever really experiencing major cramps, I got a RUDE awakening of the worst cramps I had ever received.ย  It felt like someone was taking my lower abdominal area and wringing it out similar to wringing out a wet cloth.ย  IT WAS MISERABLE, and they had to do it twice because apparently I was moving too much… MY BAD!

And to add to everything, I wasn’t only crying over the pain, all my emotions with infertility that I had kept bottled up, while trying to remain strong, came flowing out like a dam had just broken and there was no holding back after going through that biopsy.

So when approaching the Fallopian tube cleaning… I figured nothing could compare to the pain of that biopsy (except perhaps child birth ๐Ÿ™‚ ).

My Mother, on the way to the procedure, kindly reminded me that when she delivered me, I was 10 pounds and she did it without any drugs, so I would probably be okay with this 5 minute procedure… thanks Mom….

Thankfully the nice front desk worker encouraged me to take some Ibuprofen about a half hour before the procedure to help with the pain (Bless you for your kindness!)

Upon arrival I had to complete a pregnancy test, and then I was prepared for the procedure.ย  I was so happy and thankful to have a Nurse Practitioner who was so kind and thoroughly walked me through every step of what would happen before starting.

From the start, I tried to focus on breathing and finding something in the room to distract me from the large ultrasound camera covering me and all the things that were going to be put inside me to complete this procedure.

The first round they were able to have one of my Fallopian tubes clear very quickly, and it wasn’t painful at all.ย  I could feel the pressure of the cramp, but it wasn’t anywhere close to how I imagined it would be.ย  They weren’t able to get a clear picture of my second tube, and were concerned it might be blocked.

Right when they started talking about the other tube not functioning and they wanted to test it a couple more times, I don’t know why it triggered my emotions so deeply, but I just fell apart.

I think part of this came from bottling up a lot of emotions, as I always try to, after having a couple of my best friends from college deliver beautiful babies in the last month, and 2 more getting ready to deliver in the next few months.

I am so happy for these best friends, they are and will make wonderful Mothers and I’m happy for their triumphs because a couple of them went through the same trials I’m going through now.ย  But as thrilled I am for them, I am still human and it is hard, as I deeply long to be in the place where they are now.

It’s a hard place to be where I want to see and talk about their new beautiful babies with them and maintain a positive attitude from myself and not allow myself to compare myself to them, be envious or bitter, because I don’t want to allow that kind of poison in my life.

I’m sure I’m not the first emotional patient these nurses have seen, but it still makes me feel bad, because they weren’t doing anything to hurt me, my emotions just get the better of me.

They tried two more times to clear the second tube, with no success.ย  They mentioned that the tube may have closed up from stress of the procedure and it may not really be blocked, or it could be blocked and Dr. Foulk will decide what to do next.

I’m thankful to have a Mother that made time to take me, since Hailame couldn’t get work off, and then allowed me to cry majority of the way home.ย  She also brightened my day by taking me to a Thrift Store… my shopping therapy, just ten times more affordable than the Mall. ๐Ÿ™‚

Although the result for this procedure weren’t fully what I was hoping for, I am continually thankful for answers and knowledge that will help me get closer to getting in the right direction to have our baby one day!

love, hannah jane

 

 

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