Comparison is the Thief of Joy

…especially with Infertility.

“Just relax, you’ll be pregnant before you know it.”

“Have you tried losing weight, I got pregnant after losing a few pounds.”

“Maybe you should consider using clomid, that works miracles.”

“Start eating more of (fill in the blank), and less of (fill in the blank).”

“Consider yourself lucky for not having kids yet, and just enjoy being the two of you.”

“Find a hobby to keep you busy, so you don’t think about getting pregnant.”

“You can down load the ovulation tracker, that will determine when you will most like get pregnant, it worked for us.”

“You’re young, don’t worry about getting pregnant.”

The advice list goes on and on!

If I had a dollar for every piece of advice I’ve received regarding my Infertility Journey, I would be able to pay for all my Infertility Treatments :)!

Now I don’t want it to seem that I’m not thankful for those who care about me and want to provide help, because I really do appreciate them.  

What’s hard for me is that if I’m not careful, I will compare myself when their advice is successful for them, and not for me.

Be-your-own-kind-of-beautiful_Daily-Inspiration_The-Red-Fairy-Project

One of my best friends who has PCOS was able to get pregnant off of clomid, and they have the most beautiful baby girl.

My sister-in-law, who has been a great listening ear for me, said that they got pregnant when they relaxed and stopping worrying about it.

I’ve read countless weight loss success stories of women losing weight and falling pregnant shortly after.

I’m happy for women who struggle with getting pregnant and are able to find their answer to getting pregnant, even if I am sad it isn’t my turn.

I have to keep reminding myself that infertility has millions of different scenarios, and there isn’t one type of an infertile woman.

My infertility journey is unique to me, and me only.

comparison-is-the

I know I’ve said it before, and I’m going to keep saying it as a reminder to myself, but I’m thankful for this journey I’m going through.  It was far from the journey I saw myself going on when I first got married, but I’ve seen a change in what I’m thankful for, what I’m capable of, and what matters most.

I’m thankful for my husband who continues to bring positive vibes and extreme happiness into my life and everywhere he goes, I don’t know what I would do without him!

Happy Monday!

love, hannah jane

Need a little boost today?  Enjoy this message, “Value beyond Measure,” by Joy D. Jones

 

 

 

 

Mothering Tender Mercies

For Mother’s Day, I decided to have a different outlook on this day (instead of focusing on my lack) and look for the “Mothering Tender Mercies” in my life.  I’ve been blessed to be an Aunt to 9 nieces and nephews on my side of the family and 20+ (I’ve lost count) on Hailame’s side of the family, but I wanted to dig even deeper than that.

I quickly realized that since we’ve been married one blessing that has been consistent is the opportunity to serve in the LDS Church with the Primary Children.

Within a few weeks of getting married, and joining our new ward, I was asked to serve as the Music Leader for the Primary Children (ages ranges from 2-12).  I would be given the opportunity to teach children scripture stories, the importance of their family, and helping them remember they are Children of God through songs.

4d6883154db943ddd6dd16ef48a81c91

 

Music has always been a large part of my life.  Growing up, my Mother taught me to sing, and feel comfortable singing in front of large groups of people.  As long as she was there playing the piano for me, I was good.  In Middle School, I participated in the after school choir groups and in High School I participated in the Women’s Choir, Concert Choir, Senior Madrigals Advanced Choir, Musical Theater, School Musicals and private Voice Lessons actively all three years.  Music really molded me into the person I am.

So to have the opportunity to connect with children through music was such a wonderful experience and I was able to learn so much about children.  I learned how different age groups learned and took in the music, I learned to be flexible on days that the children were having difficulty paying attention and not taking interest in the song, and coming up with on the spot learning activities, I learned to love unconditional and patience, I learned how capable a child’s ability to soak in new learning experiences, and I learned even more how excited I was to be a Mom one day.

2df60fec35583fb06da3c6c13b0da5bd

After 3 1/2 years of serving as the music leader, Hailame and I were asked to serve as Primary Teachers for 8-10 year old children, it was also the largest class in the primary (averaging 8-11 kids each Sunday)!

Hailame and I were so excited to get to do this together, and have loved the experience of teaching these children.  It was no surprise that our class adores Hailame, he is a kid magnet everywhere he goes.  Most Sunday’s when I show up in the classroom before Hailame the classes without missing a beat says, “Hi Sister Tua’one, where’s Brother Tua’one?”…. story of my life 🙂

This opportunity has been such a blessing in our marriage.  I love watching Hailame interact with the children, and sharing his testimony, I love seeing the children have their own “ah-ha” moments as they learn and listen to the lessons.

 

meme-faust-children-1284328-gallery

But the part I love most is that I know that I have a Heavenly Father who is well aware of my ache and yearning to be a Mother, and while I’m continually trying to learn (even on my hardest days when all I want to do is lay in bed and mope) he is providing me with experiences to learn individually and with Hailame.

This time for us is a time to become better.  I still don’t know what I’m fully supposed to learn from this trial we are experiencing, I just have to trust that when looking back on this time, I’ll be grateful for what I did learn and just soak in as many good experiences while I can.

Happy Late Mother’s Day.

love, hannah jane

Baby Making Journey: Newly Weds, PCOS and Perseverance

**Warning: Long-ish Post!  I tried to keep it brief, but the thought kept flowing! I think that’s why it took so long to post this.

I was blessed to find a husband who for one, came from a very large family (he’s #3 of 12!!!!!…Tradition Polynesian Family), and two shared the same dream of wanting a large family (myself coming from a family of 7 kids, me being #5). When we were dating and engaged we would regularly talk about our dreams in having a large family (10+ kids)!

 

We thought starting a family would be a breeze (hence coming from highly populated families) and we would start growing our family right away.

Throughout our 1st year of marriage, as we were hoping to get pregnant, I noticed that my body wasn’t cycling the way it should, which led to multiple times throughout the year thinking I was pregnant sadly later finding out I wasn’t.

I was told that sometimes our bodies will change after getting married and dealing with new stress and experiences,so I just figured my body was going through the “newly wed” changes and I didn’t think anything of it.

August 2015
August 2015: Almost a year married

Within a year of getting married, I had gained 75 pounds.  It came on slowly yet came out of no where.  I had recently started a desk job, but I was still exercising regularly.  So I was a little confused and frustrated that I had put on weight so quickly, when my body had never acted this way.

I was discouraged we hadn’t started our family, however I always felt that everything would be fine because we were so passionate about having a large family and eventually things would work out our way.

My sister mentioned that I might have PCOS.  I had never heard of it before, and after doing a little research, I related to majority of the symptoms: weight gain, irregular periods, hair loss, oily skin, difficulty getting pregnant.  I was a little in denial that I could possibly have it, but at the same time, deep down, I knew that I had it.

NewZealand
New Zealand Nov 2016: One month after being diagnosed with PCOS

I found a local OBGYN, and set up an appointment.  I remember sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment, next to multiple young pregnant mothers, with that glow and excitement about them.  I ached to be in their position, a little envious seeing that most of them were a lot younger than myself.

I’m thankful for the Physician’s Assistant that I met with, Dawn.  She was an answer to my prayers.  After a couple of tests it was confirmed to her and reconfirmed to me that I most definitely had PCOS, but the way she approached it helped me change my attitude about the diagnosis.

She immediately started providing resources to me that would help me learn more about PCOS,  her attitude was very calming and reassuring to me that PCOS was not going to keep us from starting our family, just a speed bump we would have to work through with patience.

Since then all the way up until meeting with the Utah Fertility Center (UFC), Dawn has been such a great support, listening ear when I needed a good venting, always encouraging and suggest I meet with the UFC.

Time and time again, my gratitude for Doctors and Physician Assistants is very abundant and overflowing as I continue to persevere through this journey.

love, hannah jane

“Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other.”–Walter Elliot

 

 

 

My Simple Joys

Starting a blog is like attempting to de-clutter your junk drawer.  You see very clearly the end goal and what you want to accomplish, and once you get going it’s pretty smooth… but the initial get go is rough.

I’m not saying that what I want to share is the same as what’s in a junk drawer, there’s just so much that I want to say and don’t know how to put it into words that will adequately describe how I feel, am or want to put out there.

So I’ll start it out small and simple…

My name is Hannah Jane Tua’one (two-ah-oh-nay).  My last name is Tongan.  I’m not personally Tongan, but I’m married to the best one out there.  His name is Hailame (Hi-la-may), he’s also known as Hyrum.

Me
Wonderful cheese plate in New Zealand!

Some of Hailame’s simple joys in life are, but are not limited to, his wife (obviously), buying hats (and storing them all over the house), listening to music 24/7 (not an exaggeration), racquetball, spending time with family, cooking Tongan food with his Dad and brothers, and being the favorite Uncle (I have a lot to say about this!)

HandH
Hiking Snow Canyon

My simple joys in life, in no particular order, are road trips with the hubby, sewing, learning about PCOS, trying new recipes (Thank you Pinterest), improving my Chaco tan line, Thrift Store shopping, running (needing to be better about this one), hiking, river rafting, camping, reading predictable romance novels, and watching Classic Musicals.

20180101_122215
Chacos at Lees Ferry.. January 1st, 2018

We’ve been married for 3 years and 4 months.

A few of our simple marital joys are playing pickleball, playing cards before or after dinner, exploring Southern Utah and Northern Arizona, hosting family and friends at our little home, watching Netflix and Hulu (This is Us, Good Doctor, Hawaii Five-0, Madam Secretary… always looking for suggestions), finding good Yard Sales, and road trips.

HandH2
Happy New Year from Us.

I’ll stop there for now…

Stay Tuned.

Love, HannahJane